How to Help with Grief

What The Sharing Place Families Say

A few suggestions for offering support to families who are grieving:

• Don't avoid the bereaved.
• Remember to use the name of the person who died.
• Share memories if you knew them.
• Avoid asking too many questions.
• Listen without interrupting.
• Allow for silence and tears.
• Avoid making judgment.
• Be patient, grief is not orderly or predictable, AND it takes time, sometimes a REALLY LONG time.

Whether a death is anticipated or unexpected the season prior to the death is always full of memories and the circumstances surrounding the death are always present. The difficulty of the first birthday, holiday, anniversary and every other milestone without your loved one is followed by the emptiness of the second, third, and all those thereafter. Grief never really ends. It changes but it doesn't ever end.

Some ways to be helpful following a death:

• Bring groceries and put them away.
• Depending on the season -- cut the grass, rake the leaves, shovel the snow or wash the windows.
• Help with the daily laundry.
• Run errands with or for them.
• Drive the carpool.
• Take the kids for the day or evening.
• Provide dinner or a random act of kindness on any ordinary day.

Don't just offer, do!

As time passes, it may be concerning for others to see that common tasks and chores no longer seem to be a priority for the bereaved. Remind yourself they may not notice or may notice and are just be too tired to tackle a project. Grief is exhausting. Don't just offer, do!

The Sharing Place Families express ways to help children following a death:

• Answer questions truthfully. If you don't know the answer, it's okay to say so.
• Allow them to make speculations about the unknown. A child's involvement surrounding the death helps them better understand.
• Grief takes tremendous emotional and physical energy. Provide outlets for that energy.

Note: Sometimes children will wait until their parents are in a safe place in their grief process and are functioning better before they begin processing their grief. It is not unusual for a child to begin processing their grief a year or more after the death. Pay attention to your friends and loved ones following a death; not just for the first 6 -12 months, but for an extended time because there is no time line for grief and unattended grief may lead to regrettable life choices.